If you have a loved one—a mum, dad, daughter, husband or best friend—who smokes, then you likely want to help him or her give up the deadly habit. But being a good quit smoking helper is not always an easy thing. And sometimes, the ways in which you try to help your loved one quit smoking can actually do more harm than good.
Depressed man smoking cigarette
So how do you become a good quit smoking helper?
Well, becoming a good quit smoking helper is actually less about knowing what to do and more about knowing what not to do. So if you are accompanying someone you care about on a quit smoking journey, here are some behaviors you should not take along on the ride:
- Condescending Behavior: Talking down to your loved one because he or she is struggling with a bad habit is a surefire way to help him or her lose confidence and build up resentment—resentment that can later be used to blame you for a failed quit smoking attempt. As a quit smoking supporter, you need to be very empathic—even if you yourself have never smoked. Quitting smoking is both brave and hard—don’t treat the smoker you love in a way that makes him or her feel bad or ashamed or inferior. A smoker who feels like that will not be in the right psychological state to give up cigarettes.
- Controlling Behavior: On the quit smoking journey, if you are not the smoker, then you are not in the driver’s seat. It is not your job to set ultimatums, provide willpower or make decisions vis-à-vis quitting smoking. Change is something that only comes from within. Change will only come from within the smoker—the smoker you loved will quit smoking because he or she has made the conscious decision to do so, not because you have made the decision for him or her.
- Angry Behavior: Anger is not a constructive emotion when it comes to being a quit smoking supporter. Anger leads to fighting, shaming, and hopelessness. If the smoker you love takes a wrong turn, runs out of gas or gets a flat tire on the quit smoking journey, reacting in anger will only make things worse. Like all journeys, the quit smoking journey will have its ups and downs. It is up to you to be supportive by maintaining emotional balance and not giving in to anger.
- Nagging Behavior: Nagging is never a way to get a positive outcome. Constantly harping on your loved one about quitting smoking while he or she is trying to quit smoking is psychologically stressful and can create tension and resentment in the relationship. Again, change comes from within. No amount of nagging on your part will create the authentic change from within needed for your loved one to quit smoking.
- Negative Behavior: As a quit smoking supporter, you need to contribute to a positive healthy environment on the quit smoking journey. Negative thoughts, emotions and attitudes, then, should be kept at a minimum.
The quit smoking journey is not your journey. You are along for the ride as a helper—which means you need to engage in helpful behaviors. By avoiding the unhelpful behaviors listed above, you will naturally become supportive in a healthy way. And by being healthy, and truly supportive, you will increase your loved one’s chances of safe arrival at the Smoke Free City tenfold.
Are you trying to help someone you love quit smoking? We’d love to hear your experiences and get to know you better, so don’t forget to like us on Facebook/LifeCoachToLoseToQuitSmoking. And if you want to give us a shout-out, let the world know via Twitter/YourLifePower!
How Can You Introduce Them to Hypnosis?
Do the research, check out the Testimonials on this site. Contact us and ask for the Information pack (no cost) and this will be sent out to you. Once you have all the facts and you feeling calm, in control and there is a loving atmosphere, then perhaps let them know how much you love them and are concerned for their health. Share the information without going into too much detail. Then leave them alone and let them find out more themselves. This may take days, weeks or months. Just be patient and wait.
Why does it take so long to decide to Quit Smoking?
I had a chap come in yesterday to quit smoking and most of the arguments with his wife were over the smoking. He said he put up with it for years and the only reason he was quitting was because of a nagging cough – not a nagging wife! So do stop the nagging because I find this hold up the decision making process. Why? Because their self esteem is possibly low because of the negative comments they may be receiving because they are still smoking, if not from you then possibly their mates.
People often hesitate because they are fearful it won’t work and they will feel an even greater failure. So go easy and be patient.